a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
