I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
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This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
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HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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