I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
