ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
