somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Randomize
