What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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