you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
