So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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