Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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