u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
