I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
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