It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
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