It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
