I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
