I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
