operation harelip BJ is a go
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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