I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
