If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
