Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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