no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
