my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Please don't give away my fajitas
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
