Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
