it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
