Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
