it hurts more in the daytime
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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