Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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