i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
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