I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
