Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
