So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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