I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Text me some of your sweat
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
