the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
She announced her abortion via fbk
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Randomize
