yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
