he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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