life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
