I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
