youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
