i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Two words: nipple clamps
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