Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
