whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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