oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
