I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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