What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
