My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
