I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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