After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
