I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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