one might say we're banned from that church
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
