I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
