Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
