I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
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