hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
