you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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