this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
