You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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