GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
