Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
