Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
