why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
