so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
