I'm drive I can fine osifer
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
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In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
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But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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