I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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