The best revenge is premature balding
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
