If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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