all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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