i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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