I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
