that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
