i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
