I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
farters have to be the big spoon...
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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