I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list