Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
