my vag is so smooth its legendary
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
