I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
