I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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