in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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