Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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