WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Panties = found
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
