It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Be still, my beating vagina.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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