put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
