why didn't you poke me back
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
