i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
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