Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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