Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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