i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
