Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize