just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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