Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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