I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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