just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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