I'm pants shitting drunk right now
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
not ubering you a puppy
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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