who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
