I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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