And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I take back everything I said about communal showers
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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