i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
