I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
