Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
