god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
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