I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
